Day in and day out I feel as if I’m constantly bombarded with questions. Examples include:
“Salome you beautiful minx what a fantastic bone structure you have! Do you use the Anastasia Contour kit at all?”
“Salome you are so perky I’ve never seen you with bags under your eyes ever! Tell me your sleep habits”
To which I respond. “Every possible chance you can get. Sleep. Even if you shouldn’t, just do it anyway it won’t matter.”
Either way, I am going to give you my honest makeup routine, everything from a glam look to go out, to my everyday work and school look; step by step.
WORK AND SCHOOL:
1. Catch sight of self in mirror en route to the shower. First recoil, then laugh.
2. Cleanse face with Loreal Deep cleaning face cleanser during shower.
3. Fish around my make-up bag for my Anastasia Brow Wiz. Cuss out loud because mom borrowed it. Again.
4. Contemplate using eyeliner lightly to serve as a brow pencil. Veto.
5. Apply moisturizer. Give up.
1. Consider sweatpants and no makeup look. Veto. You did that last weekend.
2. Tarte brand concealer. Apply three light dots to the crater sized bags under your eyes. Blend.
3. Uncap my reclaimed Anastasia Brow Wiz and go to town on those weak ass caterpillars my parents gifted me with.
4. Open up my go to palette, Naked 2. Smile at the beautiful colors. Shut case and move on.
5. Apply a few coats of Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara. Bat eyelashes, toss hair. Freak out as hair is now stuck in your luscious eyelashes.
6. Reach for Kyliner and brush. Apply thin layer to eyelids. Experience a raw surge of ambition and go for the cat eye.
7. Reach for makeup removal wipes.
8. Consider lipstick.
10. Sashay out the door the public is calling.
I’m sure you won’t be surprised when I admit that after following this routine faithfully day in and day out I’ve been mistaken for the likes of Beyonce, Young Michael Jackson, and even one time a cigarette!
To the homeless man on University Ave that called me a ciggy last summer: thank you. I’ve carried that compliment with me through the most torrid of times. I hope your soup kitchen has fed you well and you’ve been able to find all the heroin your little heart desires.
Bless him and bless you all for reading. If you have any questions feel free to DM I’m more than happy to provide more tips to get this sexy look below: